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Pursue a New You Through True Self Value, Part 2 (How To Get Confidence!)

In this Ezine, you will learn what to do with the information you have been gathering about yourself with the goal of creating and increasing your sense of self-value, as you were instructed to do in Part 1.

Safely Balancing Yourself

So far, you have been practicing observing yourself with a greater level of self-honesty than before, becoming more aware of what your fears and judgments are. You have also been noticing the judgments that you have on what you observe about yourself.

This is not unlike learning to walk on a high wire. You need to find a balance so that your emotions do not derail you. As soon as you judge yourself, you will lose your balance and fall. As soon as you go into emotional reaction, the same thing will happen. Anything that takes your focus off of staying in a state of observation will knock you off balance. Trying too hard will do this as well.

Your ultimate goal is to walk this wire high up in the sky without falling. Right now consider your wire to be suspended just off the ground, or a little higher if you do not fall so easily. In this learning stage, you must remain safe or you will not want to get back on this wire because it hurts too much when you fall. The best progress comes with small, logical, and safe steps.

Understanding Self-Value Better

I want to take the time to discuss the esoteric qualities of self-value. Sometimes by describing what something is not helps you narrow your definition and understanding of what it is. You can then create a more precise focus in developing your self-value. Deep knowledge of a subject gives you power and that is what correctly leads you in your personal growth.

Your level of self-value is in direct proportion to your level of self-awareness. If you think you are self-aware or very self-aware, yet struggle with insecurities, you really have not yet developed true self-value and therefore are not as self-aware as you think you are. We all have insecurities, but we do not have to struggle with them. By becoming fully aware of them, we can learn to deal with them differently and without struggle.

If you think your level of self-value is high or very high, yet feel superior or inferior to others, you really have not fully grasped the meaning of self-value, and are using it to not have to look deeper at yourself. Self-value has no room for comparison with others. When you have true self-value, you recognize others self-value to be equal to your own, yet unique to each person.

Self-value is not judging others to be good or bad, just as you do not judge yourself. Self-value is not closing your mind to possible meanings of who you are other than what you currently believe about yourself. Self-value is the education of ones self with an open mind, hungry for knowledge, and needing change above and beyond anything else.

Self-value is a quiet strength, a knowing, yet a willingness to recognize when one is wrong, but always with the outlook of ‘how can I act differently in the future’? Self-value is questioning everything: what others say, what your own beliefs are, what you hear, read and see. Self-value is not feeling doubt from what you question, but using the knowledge you gather to constantly better yourself. Self-value is hearing the opinions of others and then using what you hear to understand that person better, not to question the validity of who you are.

Self-value is fully understanding that the world, your existence in it, and even who you eventually will understand yourself to be is full of seeming dichotomies. As you become more inward focused, your vision expands outward to see more of what is happening around you. As you become more self aware, you become far more aware of all events around you. What you may originally judge as selfish turns into true ability to help others. The results of your efforts go into many different directions at the same time, giving you the results you seek as well as much more in positive ways that you can only begin to imagine.

This should help you understand on a deeper level what you are striving for. Like anything else, there are many levels of understanding and rather than reaching for the top and not getting it, start from where you are and go one small step at a time to create a foundation that is so strong it cannot be shaken. Remember that a foundation is built one brick at a time. It will take more than a few, more than a dozen, it may take hundreds of bricks to make your foundation strong enough to truly withstand any challenge.

Shifting your Understanding of Yourself

So lets get on with the work. You have been gathering pieces of information about yourself. Now we are going to lay them all out on the table and look at the different puzzles pieces to see how they fit together and look at how we can create a picture of you, but this time with self-value instead of the fears and judgments.

Every piece of the puzzle that is you has a flip side. Every negative quality has a positive quality and vice versa. When you look at a puzzle piece that is one of judgment, fear, or a limiting belief, the possibility for the reverse is always there. In fact, it is on the opposite side of that piece. You are currently feeling incomplete or without value because you are looking at the side of the puzzle piece that holds the negative possibility.

Absolutely every quality that you have, that you do not like about yourself not only has the reverse side, but it exists within you right now. If you cannot see it, it is because you are primarily focused on the negative side. Simply the act of taking your focus off of what you do not like starts the process of the piece turning over on its own.

Another way to see your puzzle pieces is dark versus bright, or heavy versus light. With judgment and fear you feel dark inside, there is no light and there is little air to breath. With the reverse, the brightness seeps in on its own and new possibilities make you buoyant, like a balloon. When you have judgments and fears, you feel heavy, as if you are carrying a burden. With the reverse, you are at least neutral and then momentum starts lifting you up, like a bubble of air in the water.

When you feel yourself in fear, judgment, or in emotional reaction, stop the reaction as soon as you can. How easy that is to do depends on the strength of the emotion. It is easier to stop a train going 1 mph than it is to stop one that is going 100 mph. Stop the reaction by acknowledging to yourself that you are having one. An emotional reaction is your response to the fear of getting hurt.

Question yourself. If you can question the person or situation you are reacting to, that is even better, but it is not necessary. Ask if what you thought (the thought that triggered the reaction) is what their intention was. Ask yourself what other possible meaning might there be to what just triggered you. Do not allow yourself to be right and justify the hurt. If no new meaning comes to you, give yourself a break and try again later. You are still too emotional to come up with an answer. You are getting an internal “busy” signal.

The Process of Redefinition

Redefine the hurt that you felt. The hurt is from your past. Your reaction now is the defense mechanism you created to stop yourself from being hurt in the same way yet again. If you don’t fully believe this it doesn’t matter, fake it until you make it. Simply the practice of redefinition is what will make a difference for you.

Redefine the judgment in your head, if it is a self-judgment, question the validity of why that is supposed to be true about you. Use your anger and channel it into screaming, “says who” in your head. All the voices that told you this in your past will answer. They are ghosts; tell yourself that you do not believe in them anymore. Tell them to stop, use your anger as a force to say no to them.

On some days, your mind will be so over active with its dark and heavy messages and being right, it will be as if you are fending off attacks all day long, sometimes every minute of the day. This can be exhausting and quickly leads into those familiar feelings of hopelessness again. Redefine the hopelessness into an alarm that tells you that you have practiced enough. We all get tired; absolutely every single one of us.

Acknowledge your efforts in learning the new language. You have practiced the new alphabet, saying a few new words, stringing together a few simple sentences, maybe even a few more complex sentences, even starting to become somewhat fluent. Everyone will be at a different level. Acknowledge yours. Acknowledge that some days it will be easier to learn than others.

Take a break that distracts your mind, preferably something that feels good to you and stimulates one of your senses. You are waking yourself up. You are slowly taking off that which has been weighing you down and keeping you feeling dark. You are opening yourself up, you are on the path of developing your self-value. Repeat these instructions as often as you can.

If you want personal help accruing self-value or with any other issue, go to https://www.onlinecounseling.org/services.htm to get The Help You Need. Right Here. Right Now.

Ewa Schwarz

OnlineCounseling.org

https://www.onlinecounseling.org/

Thank you for your continued support.


 


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