The Coaching Situation

This is a long story that we have split into two parts. The link to the answer is at the bottom of this page.

Well I'm 16 years old and I really don't know how to explain my problem. I feel numb.. like I have no emotions. I no longer feel passionate about the things I used to like and nothing seems to make me happy. Yesterday someone told me something really nice about me, which before would have made me smile for a week probably but now I didn't feel happy. I noticed I wasn't as happy as before but it was mild and I didn't pay much attention to it. Also before when i would look at my mom this overwhelming feeling of love would feel me but now I don't feel that. I even ask myself do I love my parents? I know I do how can I not.

Do you think this is depression? I ask you this because I've suffered from depression a lot before. But it this time it feels different.. before I would spend hours bawling and wouldn't want to get out of bed, back then what hurt me the most was to see my mom worry about me so much. But in the last year I've tried so hard not to let little things get me down and I was doing fine. But just recently I had this feeling of numbness.. I want to cry but I can't. I don't want to be like this forever, I want to be happy and love and feel the joys of life. I don't know what to do. I hate going to school because I have to pretend to be happy and its tiring to that. Actually i prefer to feel pain and sadness rather than this feeling of numbness, because I know i could always get out of that sadness one way or another. Is there any therapy or medicine that could help me? I can't imagine myself living in this state forever. Please help me, I don't know what to do.

Our young girl was sent two lists of questions to better understand her situation. Both sets of questions and answers have been added together as one list.

1. Emotional trauma can be caused by anything that leaves a lasting negative impression, it could be a big event, humiliation, breakup, or a big disappointment. Have you experienced this? i know I started getting a little depressed when I had doubts in my faith (Catholic) that caused me stress because church has always gotten me out of my hole no matter what, but now there was a void in my life. And about my dad 4-5 years ago, it feels longer, like 10 years, it seems so far away.. could this really be affecting me? I mean when my dad left it was rough but I got through it okay. I don't think i felt my parents separation was that rough because they no longer lived as partners since I was 6, I never recall my parents kissing. There are some memories of my dad coming home drunk but that seems so distant.. I think i've dealt with it back then. I found out a friend's mom had a brain tumor a few months ago. It was very shocking.. we have been childhood friends and I knew i had to be there for her and I felt kinda guilty when I was happy knowing she wasn't. But now her mom is going to be fine.

I've realized that my loss of motivation or interest occurred slowly. Before I used to see myself as a successful person when I grew up and I had many goals.. but that slowly disappeared- I think it was because of my low self-esteem I began to think I couldn't amount to anything. Getting good grades used to make me happy but not anymore, I still get good grades- even if I don't have the motivation I still haven't let them drop because i know when i get back on track i'm going to regret it if I do. Self esteem was part of the things that brought me down a lot.. one of the reasons why I always tried so hard in school was because i figure that was the only thing i was good at. Breaking out of this shy girl shell (I have gotten better) is something i've proposed myself to do, but i always procrastinate.

2. When you experienced depression in the past, how was it diagnosed and what did you do about it? In the past when I had depression-I would get easily depressed over anything. If someone said something hurtful at school, or my self-esteem problems because I have rosacea. I'm a shy introverted person so I think a lot and needed to be more socially active. But last year I got involved in sports and wouldn't let myself get down for little things. As for actually getting my depression diagnosed I never did, my mom did tell my doctor and she referred me to a psychologist or something but I never went. The thing is that although these depression episodes would come out of nowhere, they got better. Just a nice talk with someone, a walk in the park or going to church would help me. You know the first time I got really sad was when i was around 13.

This weird thing came completely out of nowhere, I mean one minute I was okay and the next I was a total mess. I remember I got mad at my mom and played a video game till midnight. Then as i was putting my console away I looked around and realized that one day this would become a memory. I began to think of my parents, my family, my house and that one day maybe I won't have them with me and it scared me so much. I remember I couldn't stop crying all summer and began getting anxiety attacks. I cried so much that my stomach got really sick- my dr. gave me medicine for ulcers. But you know everything got better and I was okay my stomach no longer hurt me.

3. Do your parents know that you are depressed? What was their response? What was their response? Does your mother know about this free counseling? My mom doesn't know i've entered this online life coaching. I've told my mom, as for my dad I never tell him when i feel down..My mom is the first person I reached out to when I was sad, or else she would notice because I would become quite or find me crying. My mom has always been supportive she works so she would always be calling in checking on me. My sister has also been supportive, she’s married now so sometimes I go stay at her house. I liked staying at her house because it sometimes got pretty lonely at my house since my mom and my brothers would be always working. That’s probably why I'm a thinker because I was always had so much time to myself. since i was 9 i would always stay alone in my house.

4. Have you seen a counselor before? Please explain. No I've never seen a counselor because I felt that they couldn't help me, I felt this was something I had to fight. I didn't think they could help me, first because I didn't really have a solid problem where I could tell them oh I'm sad because of this this and this..most of the times i didn't know why I was sad I was just sad.

5. Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings? No I haven't talk about my doctor about my feelings. The numb feelings I've been fairly was probably gradual. I've probably identified these feeling about a week ago. but I did notice that before that I had lost passion for the things i liked, I still liked them but just didn't feel as passionate about them as before--I thought maybe I was growing out of them or something but now I'm not so sure.

6. Describe your parent’s relationship with each other. My parent’s relationship is not good. They got separated when I was twelve. My dad, he’s a great dad but he would always drink and was addicted to gambling. Their separation was not pretty, my dad came one day drunk and tried to hit my mom and my sister called the police and they put a restriction order on him. I see my dad on Saturdays, except when he falls into gambling and stuff and disappears for a while. I think he should see a psychologist. He has a lot hate for my mom because according to him she destroyed his life, plus he had a lot of family problems when he was little. When they separated it was kinda a relief, yes i was sad because I was always dads little girl and loved him a lot, but I hated him coming in at 2:00 am yelling and drunk and it was getting out of hand. I'm my dads only daughter my brothers and sister are from a different dad. I felt I was a horrible daughter.

How am I a horrible daughter? Well first of all I make my mom suffer because of how I'm acting right now, she already has a enough to worry about. I should be there for my mom and helping her out- but instead i cause her more stress. My mom is a single mom and she works really hard and I don't consider her enough. Second when it comes to my dad, I'm not there for him enough. I should call him more often because I'm the only daughter he has. I haven't been a good daughter to him. Whenever he gets really down he gets drunk and goes to gamble. When he would call me (when he’s down he doesn't call) he would say i'm sorry, I would just say it was okay, i forgive him---but i should have lectured him and encouraged him to get better. There was also a time when he told me he was really proud of me and then he asked me if i was proud of him and I just stayed quiet---what kind of daughter does that? Right now he's doing great he hasn't gambled or drank in a long time and i haven't told him i'm proud of him..i don't know why its hard for me to put my feelings in the open. In my family we're not used to saying i love you to each other..we just know we do.

7. Do you have anyone to talk to about how you've been feeling? I've told my mom how i'm feeling but she doesn't understand, I don't expect her to, i hardly understand what im going through. Every time I would get sad she thought it was because of the problems with my dad. But I really don't think so and I'm being honest here my mom thinks I'm in denial. I don't feel like that’s why i would get depressed. Sometimes i would think that if my dad would be okay and we would all be living as family I wouldn't have gotten so depressed. See well I don't think my dad caused me to be sad but*he was there all time perhaps I would have another person to talk to and stuff and it would make it better.(*if)

8. What do you understand about depression and its causes? I think it could come for a number of reasons. It could come from a loss, abuse, or childhood problems or things that you've stored in your unconscious or a chemical imbalance. I know that when something hurts us we sometimes just throw it to the unconscious and that could somehow accumulate or something. I wonder if I've done that, I don' t think so but then how do i know if its in the unconscious?

9.Does your mom ever get stressed and take it out on you and your siblings? Yes my mom gets stressed a lot, she’s a single mom and she has to work hard to get money to pay the house. She has a lot of trouble sleeping. Well she really doesn't take it out on us- sometimes she just makes a big deal of little things, or there sometimes she gets sentimental but nothing extreme. She’s a good mom, I really don't know how she handles everything.

10.Give me an example of what you eat in a day. i'm not a good eater. In the morning i probably eat cereal, a chicken sandwich for lunch at school, at home i'll eat probably some chicken and some rice. I've never been a good eater, my mom is always telling me i'm going to get anemia and she’s always taking me to the doctor to check me. I've never had anemia and the doctor says my weight is perfectly healthy but i know i don't eat good. I should eat more healthy, there's times where i realize at night that i've just had breakfast and haven't eaten anything for 8 hours. I guess that is something i could improve a lot in.

I think i feel little better now than before.. at least i could sleep now but it still stresses me that when i look at my family i don't feel that loving feeling. I told someone about this and they told me its normal, sometimes we just go through the days without feeling love for the ones we care for and it doesn't mean we don't care. But i've never felt this way so its kind of scares me because i want to tell my mom how much i love her and feel it with all my heart.

I have a question.. people say that if you act happy then you're mind will believe it and you'll be more happy-is that true? I was seeing a program about laughing yoga- they were just practicing how to laugh so that they will feel happier-do you think that actually works?

I don't now if this will help but my brother gets panic attacks a lot. When he was younger he was unable to walk for a year because he had cramps in his legs.. but the doctors never found anything wrong with him. He got better on his own. My sister has suffered from ulcers, before she would have to go to the emergency room a lot because she couldn't stand it.

I really hope you can help its really long isn' wasn't that hard to write because that’s what i've been doing lately writing all my thoughts in paper. This emotional blunting i'm going through, there's something that can help right? I mean i can't imagine living like this forever I want to feel and laugh and love. Right now it feels like my emotions have just shut down like my brain is too tired to feel emotions. Its distressing knowing in your mind that you care for people and things and not feeling it. I wonder how long it will take you to read this, its really long. Well anyways thanks for taking the time to help me I really appreciate it, because I really need help. well i'll be waiting for your response.

Link to theLife Coaching Response

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