The answer to this coaching example will give you an idea of my coaching style. My focus is to provide you with information that you can immediately use to change your situation. Read the response to this Sample Question.

Our Question

The italicized sentences are abbreviated suggestions on how to form a coaching question:

  • (Give me a short description of the situation and other relevant details.)

My partner and I are having a hard time ever since we were at a party where my partner was flirting with somebody else. I was so angry I just left and took a taxi home. When my partner got home later, we had a big fight and slept separately. That happened a week ago and we're still barely speaking to each other."

  • (Explain how you feel about the situation and yourself.)

"I don't understand why my partner does that. I feel so angry. It makes me think my partner doesn't want to commit to me. I hate it when my partner spends so much time talking and flirting with other people. I get embarrassed because I'm sure all my friends can see what's going on. It's humiliating.

I just want some love and respect; I'm not asking for marriage. Why does my partner have to hurt me so much?"

  • (What are you self-judgments in this situation?)

"I feel like I should know better than to be in a relationship like this. I guess I see myself as jealous and with a bit of a temper when I get mad. Sometimes I don't like myself or think other people don't like me. I'm not comfortable with getting coaching for something I should be able to deal with on my own."

  • (Express any other emotions and anything else that might be affecting you.)

"When I think about that night and how things got worse when we tried to talk about it, I get sad and angrier. I don't want to fight, but it just seems like we end up attacking each other. I can get frustrated with people and wish people listened to me more. My job puts a lot of pressure on me. I haven't been sleeping as well and my energy level is down. I'm feeling more irritable. It seems like everyone's getting on my case for the stupidest things."

  • (How do you think the other person might be feeling? Have you tried to solve this before?)

"I swear my partner sometimes likes to hurt me and doesn't care about my feelings. My partner never apologized or even thought anything was wrong. My partner obviously isn't as committed to our relationship as I am. We've tried to talk through issues like this before, but it seems we're getting more distant instead. Maybe we're just growing apart and aren't meant for the long term."

  • (What's the communication typically like between yourself and this other person?)

"We usually can talk to each other about most things. It's just that sometimes my partner doesn't listen to what I say. If I try to ask my partner about what happened, my partner just doesn't want to talk about it. It's so frustrating when I'm shut out. How can we solve anything when my partner won't even talk to me?"

  • What result would you like to see? Is something about yourself you'd like to change or understand better?)

"I don't see what I have to change. I'd like to see my partner stop this behavior so we can get along better. I want more happiness and less anger. I wish my partner would listen to me more. But, if I had to change something, it would be to not get as angry."


Answer to Sample Question

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